Friday, November 19, 2010

... the next sunrise ...

*yes, my original idea for this blog came from Jade! (: hope she doesn't mind*

I know I'm not the only person that has gone through some really tough stuff in their life, and I also know that many people have gone through even tougher things than I ever have. But like, this summer ... everything seemed to crash. School ... Job ... even parts of my family. Friends ... things I thought I could count on ... I felt like my life was spiraling downward into oblivion and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I quit praying, quit believing in God, started contemplating suicide and even cutting again ... I still have to say that this summer/early fall was almost one of the lowest points I have ever reached in my life. Instead of reaching out to God I turned my back to Him ... and through it all, one song continued to penetrate the fog ...

I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel shine
through the dark times, even when I loose my mind
and it feels like no one in the world is listening
and I can't ever seem to make the right decisions.

I walk around in this same haze,
still caught in my same ways,
I'm loosing time in these strange days,
but somehow I always know the right things to say.

I don't know what time it is,
or who's the one to blame for this;
do I believe what I can't see?
and how do you know which way the wind blows?
'Cause I can feel it all around,
I'm lost between the sound,
and just when I think I know there she goes ...

Goodbye for now ...
Goodbye for now so long ....

Goodbye for now
(I'm not the type to say I told you so)
Goodbye for now so long
(I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go)

Why can't we sing, a new song?

Still smiling as the days go by
and how com nobody ever knows the reasons why?

Bury it deep so far that you can't see,
if you're like me,
who has a broken heart on her sleeve

Pains and struggles that you know so well
either time don't,
it can't,
or it just won't tell

I'm not the type to say I told you so,
I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go

And I can sing until theres no song left,
and I can scream until the world goes deaf

For every other word left unsaid
you should have took the time to read the sign
and see what it meant

In some ways, everybody feels alone,
so if the burden is mine then I can carry my own

If joy really comes in the morning time,
then I'ma sit back and wait until
the next sunrise ....

I cant tell you how many times that song would pull me back from the edge ... or how many times God used that song to speak to me ... all I can say is, if you're going through something awful, if you feel like giving up ... hold on ... you can make it until the next sunrise ... I did ...

If joy really comes in the morning time,
then I'ma sit back and wait until
the next sunrise .....

Thursday, November 4, 2010

*it's alright*

Have you ever been so tortured with doubts and problems that you were sure you would break under the load? Sometimes ... well, a lot of times ... I feel like that ... and you just want to let go. You want to not care about anything and just well ... end it. Don't fault me for being honest ... !

One of my favorite things in the world is watching the sunset ... I truly think its one of the most beautiful things God ever made! Sometimes I'll climb up on the roof and just watch the sun go down with an array of purples and blues and pinks ... its truly beautiful! As I watch the sun go down surrounded by God's nature, its like I just automatically begin to feel okay. Like I feel like I can make it, feel like I can go on, feel like I can make it ... ! After feeling hopeless that is the most wonderful feelings you could ever feel ... If you've never felt it, then I really can't explain it ...

Theres this artist called Melissa Otto and I absolutely love her music ... she has two songs that really speak to my soul on the 'bad days' :: 1) Its Alright (hence my blog title) and 2) Father of the Fatherless ... its always calming and inspiring ... so many times those songs have helped me and 'brought me back from the edge' in a sense ... its like my soul stops what its doing and takes a deep breath and I can quietly whisper where ever I am, even in the most violent storm ::

*closes eyes*

*takes deep breath*



"... its alright ... "