so if you read my blog about 2010 you would know that lately I've been having some trouble trusting the voice of God. everyday He works with me on it and I'm happy to say that it's getting alot better. (:
but every now and then, God has to remind me exactly why I should trust him. I'm headstrong and I have a lot of wax in my 'listening to God' ears unfortunately, but He's ever so patient with me. He teaches me lessons that I can understand and helps me to walk with Him.
so the other day, I guess you could say I was challenging God. I mean, soo many times last year it just felt like He simply wasn't there. And this year He is constantly reminding me that He in fact really is there.
so a few nights ago I took my dog out for a little walk and I was stunned at the brilliancy of the stars in the night sky. Like the somewhat different person I am, I just laid down on the ground and stared up at them. It took the wet nose of the dog to bring me back to the present. I took the dog in, but came right back out. I laid down on my damp deck and just stared into the moonless sky and let my thoughts run. While surrounded by His nature, its almost impossible to not start talking to God, so we struck up a conversation (by the way, it is very possible to have a conversation with God :). I love to locate the big dipper an little dipper whenever I look up at the stars. The little dipper I located easily enough, but it took me some time before I saw the big dipper. Somehow I got distracted, and I couldn't locate the big dipper anymore. "Where is it?" I mumbled to myself as I searched the stars in front of me. I heard God's whisper as my eyes darted this way an that way. "You know, just because you don't see something doesn't mean it's not there. You know that the big dipper is there because you've see it before even though you can't locate it now". I stopped looking and thought about that. How many times had I cried out "Where are You?!" to God and then thought that He wasn't there because I couldn't see Him right away? more than I would like to admit. God continued: "Trust consist not in believing only when you can see it, but believing even when you can't".
I stayed there just letting that sink in. Trust consist not in believing only when you can see it, but believing even when you can't. Not that I didn't know it, I just had never heard it in such a beautiful way. I closed my eyes and prayed that God would give me that type of trust in Him; the trust that stayed strong even when I couldn't see him.
I opened my eyes to see the big dipper staring right back at me.