so. (lol how many blogs have I started with that word?)
anyway, I was going to write a nice blog about the love of God.
but I think I shall save that topic for another time.
today was not the loveliest day. my finances are in an epic mess and its questionable whether or not I'll be able to go back to college this coming semester. which happens to start on Monday. >_> yeah, I feel like I'm screwed. and after a month of trying to get up the money, looking for a job, getting denied to countless loans, and being limited by my age, I decided that I was tired of fighting. I'm not even 20 and I have colossal stress about finances and bills ! I told God that I'd just join the military or something and leave college to those with funds. of course, God responds telling me that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and He wants me to trust Him. but I was tired ... so tired that I just wanted to throw my hands up and surrender to the feelings of doubt, depression, and certain failure.
and I put this as my status on Facebook :
heart full of pain, head full of stress, hand full of anger held in my chest. uphill struggle; blood, sweat, tears. nothing to gain, everything to fear.
its a quote by one of my favorite "poets" >_>
anyway, its encouraging, right? =D
but that's how I literally felt.
I wondered why I seem to be called to bare such burdens at my age.
then I remembered that Joseph was around my age when he became a slave at Potipher's house.
anyway, that's not what I was going to say.
I was talking to one of my close friends.
he's like my bro and I love him alot alot.
he's also one of the only people that can identify with my weariness in fighting. not that others can't, its just that he gets it in a way that few people do.
as usual, he told me to not give up. soo much easier said than done.
while we were in the midst of a text conversation I logged onto my Facebook to see what had happened in the last couple of hours. (bored really)
I looked on my wall and almost fell off my chair.
one of my friends had posted this :
Don't give up. some things are worth fighting for. when you feel like quitting or giving up, when it seems like the road you're traveling is getting too difficult to bear; when all you just want is to throw your hands up & walk away; when you've literally tried everything, everyone, & everywhere & you are getting frustrated & hopeless; don't quit & don't give up. the more resistance & resilent the challenges become, the closer you're to your breakthrough. if you quit or give up not, you'll never know how close you were to your breakthrough.
I stared at the screen in shock.
how did she know?!
I hadn't told anyone (except one person) about my struggle today, but Someone must have told her.
it is literally one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed.
and I think if God could encourage me and tell someone to write that on my wall, then He must
be able to take care of whatever financial problems I have.
kinda cool, huh?
so here is my appeal to you.
even when you think you can't take another day and you're gasping for breath and praying for a
way out ... keep fighting.
you never know what's around the corner.
and by the way, if God chooses to not take care of my problems, then I know it must be because
He has something way better.
so yeah, maybe someone else out there needs to see this today.
and if you can't fight for yourself, fight for me. xx